Gaslighting and other games of deception.

Gaslighting by the Narc

In this blog I would like to highlight one of the exercises done in the F.i.T. program. 
This exercise was set as a Bonding exercise among the Sydney Team who were at the time having issues communicating. Some of the F.i.T.s came up with this activity to do at the retreat so that we could iron out any issues that existed within the team. 

The exercise was emailed to us and outlined below:

Jai Shree Swaminarayan _/\_

Dear Komal, Hanuman, Mala, Jwala and Simran

In preparation for the upcoming reunion, there is a small exercise that we would like all Sydney Fits to participate in. Each one will write observations about the other 4. For example, Komal will write about what she has observed about Hanuman, Mala, Jwala and Simran. Similarly, everyone will write observations about the other 4. Remember, refrain from drawing judgements or giving opinions/feedback as then the small self is at play, but to really sit in Bhakti Bhaav and let the observations flow impersonally.

The paragraph should start something like ‘Following is my observation about so and so and I may be seeing it from my perception. But based on what situational evidence I have had so far, I have the following observations…’

May we request all 5 Sydney Fits to complete this exercise sincerely and send it via email to me, Devi and Archita within 2 weeks maximum? 

Kindly let us know if any clarifications are required. Look forward to seeing everyone.

Jai Shree Swaminarayan _/\_

In seva and unconditional love to Shunya Bindu,

Archita, Niranjana and Devi

So as you would expect, my response which is outlined below is written in a positive light. Below is my response to Komal/Irene who i have now discovered is a narcissist who caused me much suffering as she framed me as victim of narcissistic abuse using many of her tactics to have me thrown out of Kosmic Fusion.

Komal/Irene

Komal is an exceptional Devotee her strength and faith is an inspiration, Komal Bhaav and devotion is so steadfast and she always puts Komic Fusion above all else.

Komal is unquestionably devoted to SreeMaaShreeJi and Shreeji Maharaj. Komal immediately takes on all agnya's from SreeMaaShriji and acts upon them. She has moved past her small self and the strength of her SELF shines through.

Komal is hardworking, persistent and self motivated. Komal's Bhaav shows that she is always in Sampoorna Samarpan at the Lotus Feet of SreeMaaShriJi.

Komal is very welcoming, loving, kind and thoughtful towards others. If Komal notices that a mistake has been made she quickly corrects it. Komal is quick to point out indiscrepancies within the group and therefore shows a high level of integrity.

Komal never shirks her responsibility  and takes all agnya's very seriously at the same time she has a good sense of humour and can have a light playful attitude towards things.

Komal has been the backbone and driving force behind the Sydney Team and her commitment is unquestionable. 

She has made many sacrifices to ensure that Kosmic Fusion reaches a wider audience.

Jai Shree Swaminarayan

Komals reponse below:

Observations about Simran

Simran never really takes responsibilities to organise any events, she put her hands up to organise 2013 MBS Sydney expo but only initiate the first meeting then remain silent and not taking much actions afterwards, it became me to organise everything and it’s been the pattern for most of the events she was participating.  Even during the expos she would spending time shopping around, reluctant to give away flyers and often talk to one participant more than half hour, so that she didn’t need to engage more people in the stand.

In 2013 when she run Kosmic Tribe with Ellya (Ekta) in Sydney, didn’t keep the energy exchange transparent as there’s no records or book-keeping to keep track and had no clues where the energy exchange went.

In 2014 she is one of the Sydney FITs, me and Hanuman were initiating some events, she was cherry picking the tasks and without fully support of the events, for the whole year three events she only contributed $300 for MBS Sydney out of nearly $13,000 spent on the expos including MBS Melbourne and Conscious Living in Perth. 

After the 2015 retreat when the FITs were able to co-facilitate AwaKeNiN TrANsForMaTioN workshops Simran seemed more active as she could have some share of the energy exchange.

Simran had also displayed not able to read emails properly and cause confusion for a few times and ended up me and Hanuman had to clear the mess she created, for example, when Simran was co-ordinating Newcastle Embrace Life Festival event, she didn’t read the email properly and create miscommunication with the organiser Debrah, who kindly offered to order lunch on our behalf, but Simran wanted to save the hassles so passed on the email to Milla (who we invited her to volunteer in the stand) without explanations, Milla thought it’s free lunch so replied back directly to Deborah to order lunch, Debrah was not happy and sent me and Hanuman email questioning us what’s happening, it ended up me and Hanuman had to apologise on behalf of Kosmic Fusion for the inappropriate behaviour Simran had displayed.

For the magazine advertisement for Northern Beaches Embrace Life event she and Jwala went ahead without consulting me and Hanuman, and then wanted to change to smaller size from 1/3 to 1/9 of the page after she and Jwala realised me and Hanuman not participating as we were not informed in the first place, the event organiser Deborah was not happy about the last minute change just before the due date as the magazine space been allocated, Deborah even wrote email asking me and Hanuman what’s happening, from her forwarded email we saw Simran told her because Kosmic Fusion is moving to new phase so not able to come up with bigger advertising space… this is how she slander Kosmic Fusion’s name and doing whatever she wants, if Deborah didn’t forward the email would have any clues of what’s happening. Same as Jwala in the advertisement she also put her consultation services before “Energy Healing with Bhakti Bhaav”.

For the FOD event Simran created a practitioner flyer of her own and creating “Bhakti Bhaav Energy Healing” without inform anyone especially when she copied the phrases from Holistic Freedom website, which me and Hanuman spent lots of time and investment to build, she claimed she thought it’s been approved by SreeMaaShriJi so it’s OK to use without asking, not respecting others hard work and take it for granted. She also insisted to change the orientation of the chairs inside the Temple and consequently triggered the imbalanced vibrations inside the Temple.

Have recalled one of the Embrace Life event, got feedback from Mala who was attending the seminar/workshop session when participants asking if any intention is required, Simran actually replied yes we use intention, can’t remember the exactly word, but was very surprised to hear that.

Feeling Simran was damaging more Kosmic Fusion’s reputation and work rather than assisting, especially she is senior in the Kosmic Fusion family and shouldn’t enable Jwala to co-create those discordant flyers and miscommunication with expo/event organisers.

Would also like to add whenever there were disagreements within Sydney FITs she would choose to sit on the fence and not taking any proper actions, without intentions to solve the problems.

For all of those who have know me, does this sound like
a) someone who is caring, giving constructive feedback and empathetic towards me?

b) A true non-judgmental picture of my character?

Obviously there is a fair amount of sabotaging going on towards me right? I can tell you after this session was carried out between the Sydney group, Irene was suggesting to others in the group that I be asked to leave Kosmic Fusion.

This type of gaslighting, devaluing and bullying was something that I had put up with for the 5 or so years I had know Irene and it culminated in her trying to eject me from the group. Irene's tactic was to little by little undermine my confidence. She would often deny the truth of what happened, when recalling incidents she would change and twist the truth turning it back on me to make me look i was in the wrong. One of her favorite sayings was "I didn't say that" or painting a picture of me to others that was false. 

She enjoyed slandering me behind my back, especially to Dallia whom she was in cahoots with.

For someone who was seemingly a "Spiritual" person and who I spent many of my own hours supporting to run events, her end game was to remove me from the group and eventually take over Kosmic Fusion Australia. As we now know, she has absconded and is running a campaign to bring Kosmic Fusion into disrepute.

Because Irene is a narcissist she will stop at nothing in order to get revenge.

My advice is to steer clear of her and all other Narcissists in your life.


So here are some great tips to help anyone who comes across someone like this in the world out there which i have come across whilst researching about narcissists.

Taken from Quora.com

Elinor Greenberg, Psychologist, Author, Lecturer, and Consultant on Narcissistic Disorders

Updated Feb 5, 2017

Originally Answered: What are some ways you can identify a narcissist?

Everyone is different, but most Narcissists (especially the Exhibitionistic ones) exhibit many of the following behaviors;

• Self-Centeredness: They are only interested in their own opinions. They rarely can stay tuned in when others start talking about themselves. They do not care what is happening in other people’s lives.
• Dominates Conversations: Because of their continual need to feed their self-esteem by exhibiting thenselves to an admiring and attentive audience, they are likely to continually talk about themselves to the point where it becomes difficult to have a normal conversation. No matter what the topic, they are likely to bring it back to focus on them.
• Complains: Many Narcissists continually complain about other people’s behavior: This waiter did not bring them their food order promptly, that person insulted them, and so on.
• Name Calling: Everyone who does not live up to their standards get an unflattering label: “He is a jerk,” “She is a bitch,” “They are idiots.”
• Low on Empathy: If you are sick, have just lost your job, or got dumped by your lover, they do not care. They may try and keep up a fascade of interest because they know that this is socially expected, but they will quickly turn the conversation back to them.
• Status Hierarchies: They are preoccupied with status markers and are always aware of everyone’s status according to their standards. They are interested in becoming friends with those “above” them; they devalue, ignore, or condenscend to those they consider “below” them; and fight for dominance with those who dare to consider themselves equal to them.
• Over Sensitive: They will respond with rage to small slights to their sense of importance that most people would ignore.
• Hyper-Critical: If you listen closely to what they say, everyone in the world except them (and whomever they currently idealize) is doing everything wrong. Of course, eventually they will find fault with you as well.
• Shame: When their grandiosity is punctured even slightly and there is no one else to blame, they can start devaluing themselves in exactly the same overly harsh way.

If I were to be asked for the quickest way to diagnose Narcissism, I would say:

Look for the four S’s that I talk about above

• Self-Centered
• Status-Seeking
• Sensitivity
• Shame

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

In private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety.

www.elinorgreenberg.com

A Narcissist’s World View

Image attribution: Transformation Cafe

We are targeted by narcissists because we have everything beautiful and human. We can feel true joy and sadness. They want to live through us and end up [destroying] us. But we will rise, and be stronger and wiser. ~Dzana, survivor

People use the term narcissism loosely in society, referring to people who are self-absorbed. Unfortunately this reduces narcissism to something much less than it is, and downplays the effects and symptoms of people with the actual disorder. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, from a healthy dose of self-worth on one end of the spectrum, to pathological Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) at the high end.

DSM-5 Criteria for the Personality Disorders:

1. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
2. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
3. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
4. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
5. Requires excessive admiration.
6. Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectation of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations).
7. Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends).
8. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
9. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
10. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes.[1]

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I hope by sharing my experience it can also help others who are struggling.